Before that whole situation I felt like a robot. Running from one point to another. Big city. Stress. Faster. You have to make it work. A lot of work.
Not only self-work. There is actually no time for that because you have to organize your day to make money, otherwise you cannot exist. I mean you could, but do you want that kind of life? Could you be that brave? Do you want that?
I love my shoes. I feel this little push of wanting things to „be mine“ even if I know that I don’t need them and for sure am never gonna use them. My clock is kickin’ me out of bed, and the clock finally makes me get home – to be able to solve all this shit that I feel I have to.
Wash your clothes. Go buy groceries and also cook. Don’t eat shit, it’s unhealthy. Wash your dishes because they should not be dirty. Of course the whole apartment, not only the kitchen. Go to training, meet friends, have a relationship, don’t be an egoist, take care of others. But still take care of yourself.
Run…To start running again, feels like a marathon. Feel the people around me – also always in a rush, and never really happy. Again and again, so everything’s getting grey even if the sun is shining..
So I think I am alive but where is life? I cannot feel it? It gets overlaid by thoughts and patterns. And there is always that fight with time.
What time is it? Do I have time for that? Oh shit, 5 minutes, I have to hurry because of whatever. Ahhh, and this tiredness.
Thinking about tomorrow today.
What about now, what could be ever more important than NOW?
So I knew something HAD to change.
So that we can change something inside of us, sometimes something external happens. And actually we provoke that, but ok,already mentioned that..
And then -tadaaa- „Corona“ comes…
Finally, I have time for myself, I love it so much, doing all these stupid and boring things that I wanted. But most of all….DOING NOTHING…“how can you do nothing?“
Doing is something active, so „How can you DO nothing?“
–And is time maybe made up?–