The research phase produced a lot of material and ideas, but without a clear goal it was difficult to put it together.
Part of the problem was, that while making the self-portrait I was at the same time the creator, the performer and the subject. For a while my mind was overwhelmed by this and I struggled to put my thoughts in order. Normally, I imagine people and events on stage, but during this specific process I lacked the distance and perspective to see the piece clearly. At some point, I figured, I needed to create an entity; a character I could identify with, that would take the spotlight and give me, as a creator, the vantage point to direct the piece better.
I always draw a lot of inspiration from my dreams. So far in the process of making the solo, I had not considered using dreams. I figured that dream reality would be a fitting scenery for my character, because fears and anxieties often appear in dreams while we process them. I was also seriously drawn to the absurd way dreams portray every-day issues so I found myself coming back on and on to this concept. After a while, I realized that inadvertently my imagination had found its focus.
Slowly, a clearer image of my entity appeared. Who was it, how did it move and with what quality informed the use of space and dynamics, and the type of a relationship I would try to build with the audience. With those answers, the first concrete idea for structure of the solo appeared.