The audio above was recorded at my parent’s backyard right at the edge of a forest spring last year. Snow had mostly melted by then and the birds had returned from the South. While living in Finland, I didn’t appreciate enough those little details, but now I’m constantly longing for them. I was homesick when making the solo, and hoped to spend the Easter in Finland, but the lockdown got me grounded in Berlin.

I miss many things: I miss the winter. I miss the feeling of freezing -30C on my cheeks. I miss the frost on my eyelashes. I miss how my thighs would get piggy-pink from cold when I wasn’t dressed up enough. I miss the cracking sounds of burning wood in our sauna smelling of sausages that my dad would grill on the rocks. I miss this:

Thank you Jussi Alaraasakka for the recording.

I miss summer’s bright nights and the winter’s polar darkness. I miss the northern lights over my childhood home that I wouldn’t even bother to look at until I moved to Europe and realized how special that was. I miss it all and I find it ironic how I needed to loose those things and feel their absence to realize how important they were to me. It’s just like a lesson learned from a fairytale – you’re never too old for that I guess.

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2 months ago

Thank you for sharing this, Milla! The sound recording of footsteps in the snow makes me feel strangely melancholic – or it might even connect me to a feeling of loss, the loss of snowy winters here in Germany, of childhood, of forest… anyway, I actually don’t wanna sound too sad in this comment! I think a little melancholy once in a while is healthy. hugs to you!